Thurday 13th August
I awoke from a deep dreamless princess sleep. Yes, this is the stuff dreams were made of – organisation. Fresh sheets on the bed, showered before bedtime, neatly arranged for Babycakes to be the one to handle morning drop off. Yes, Betty you really are #winninglife. Like a boss.
And now roll over. Check facebook page – comments to reply there. Twitter, ticking over as usual. Now Instagram. Look at that – Eager beaver bloggers sharing their journeys from Far Away to Event already. Aww, bless. so exciting. Smug smile – I just have an hour drive, cheap travel. Ah, look. Someone made these cute little cardboard information…
SHI–..ps sailing on the sea!!!!
Bolt upright in Bed. You have no business cards. You smug…
Frantic call to Officeworks. “Of course we can print of your business cards. How many? And When? No I said when, as in when do you want them delivered. yes, today you are ordering… Sorry , love, the answer is no. No. No we cannot deliver today, it”s 10 days, doll. yep 10 days. All the best. Bye.”
SHITTTTTT!!!!!! *child friendly filter switch set to off*
Sweat, panic. Check email. Of course, you forgot to put in the schedule booking for the conference. Yes. Definitely NOT getting into “Food Photography Workshop”. Beautiful shiny new camera. Inept camera owner.
Call Michael, blog graphic designer. “You can knock something up? Great, I could ki–… shake your hand in a purely professional manner. Anything. ASAP. Please call me as soon as you have something. You legend.”
“Hi e-print… yes business cards… 200? okay 100. this afternoon. yep I’ve paid on line… I mead will pay online, because obviously, I have to wait for you to send invoice. By 5pm or even earlier?”, smile “I will be waiting by the phone. Life savers. Thanks”
11PM same day…
“PureSonic, check. Argan oil, check. Body oil, check. Ben wrecking… Ben, Ben BE–EEEEEN!! Get out of my suitcase. Naughty baby. Naughty. Time OUT!!”
Ben in the corner. Cute. Pouting. Do not smile. Must be firm.
So how many pairs of undies, i’ll be there the 14…*light bulb*
Call Hotel. On hold. 1 hour. SHI–..ps sailing on the seas!
Hang up. Ring central reservations.
“Your room, has probably been cancelled at this point…” Blogger conference. Big Dreams. Toilet. “… But there is a room available in our sister hotel…”. Quotes price 3 ( yes THREE) times amount original. Tears, sigh. Arm twisted, Just book. Will “talk” to Babycakes about it later…
“Now there are some things I have to run through with you for the sale for legal reasons…” No time. Just get to the bit where I give you the credit card details “But ma’am…Options… Chocolates… Strawberries… Champagne” yes, yes, yes, yes. can I give you my credit card details now? 45—…. “maám your confirmation number…” Can you just email it to me? can’t talk right now “CHmmm*Mumble, mumble, mumble”. Thanks. Bye.
Tomorrow has to be better…. Please God.
Friday 14th August
All packed. Dressed. Excited and finally off to ProBlogger 2015. Quick Instagram with a brief stalker-ish message to bloggers to whom I’m a big fan.
I arrive at the Venue. Phone. First hotel booked asking where I was and why I wasn’t there. I’m about to walk down a giant set of stairs in break your neck shoes. This is a time of calm. Apparently I had a room after all, now I’m committed to 3 times the price. Stay happy. Keep smiling. It’s ProBlogger yay!
So many, many People. I’m smiling as I find a seat, right next to Sydney Kids Food + Travel Blog. Poor Lady, I excitement-vomited all over, sounding like a slightly brain-drained cult-ish fan of ProBlogger. I Instagramed out meeting. I think she averted her eyes rest of Day 1. No surprise there.
Like the geek I have always been on the first day of school, I lugged EVERYTHING around with me – handbag, Laptop bag and shiny new Camera in new Camera case I did not know how to use. Naturally I did not find places to sit, very much School-Lunch-Cafeteria style. The sharks could probably smell blood in the water.
Hours of sessions and attempted networking, no mommy-bloggers ( perhaps the problem was calling them mommy-bloggers to begin with?!) and no food bloggers whom I really wanted to meet. I think they were hiding from me. I would hide from me too.
On the plus side, I’m learning loads. Lots of new Buzz Words. And Phrases to live by.
Finally. Afternoon tea before final session. I meet Gallerie B Lifestyle Blog . When she mentioned her decorating/interior design blog, it made perfect sense. She looked very together. Organised. I launched into my “I’m a mommy-blogger…Who blogs about her life… I cook,.. my kids” schtick. I see the “well, that’s interesting…Not” Look. So I go for truth, Authentic. Oh no! too much. Another fishy swims away. sigh.
Finally I meet Wildfire Social networking, Jo Saunders. And I am instantly at home. I finally tell the truth. I blog about Natural Disasters. My life that is. AND she gets it. Meaningful conversation and I finally feel comfortable. Yay! No I forgot to bring something to sparkle, but she’s got some glitter spray she is willing to share I am so excited. I get to eat with someone!
I head to my hotel. Across the city. Of Course. This is Betty we’re talking about. Of Course you booked a hotel across town.
I’m checking in. “How many keys would you like?”, Just One. Funny look across Receptionist’s face.”So Mrs Butter, your champagne, chocolate-covered strawberries and rose petals are waiting for you…”. Wait, what? Champagne? Strawberries? Rose petals? Wrong room, surely. “You are Betty, Mrs Betty Butter?”. Yes I am. “Yes, your romantic package is waiting for you in your room.” Of course it is. Finally, I let out hysterical laughter for the day! Wait till Babycakes hears this.
I get dressed. Required selfie. head out to waiting Taxi. In gravity defying new heels. Beautiful. Beautiful torture.
I head to party. Good food. Ow, feet hurt. man up, woman. Those shoes are fabulous. Ow. man Up!
I meet Jo who introduces me to They Call me Mummy, a fellow natural disaster blogger. Finally someone who gets it. Michelle is gorgeous… In gravity defying heels, and she can work them. I’ll just limp over here. Surely I can network from one spot? surely?
Then I meet antoniocalero.com And this point, my feet hurt too much to keep up this happy-mommy-blogger-who-also-cooks schtick. I blog about natural disasters. His eyes lit up. he’s a parent too. he gets it.
Authenticity will get you everywhere.
Except out of these shoes.
I hobble over, somewhere, anywhere with a surface to hang onto. It’s Michelle again, this time with narrativemarketing.com.au. I must looks constipated. I feel like I look constipated.
Michelle: What’s wrong?
Me: my feel are killing me
Michelle ( relieved look, glad I’m not constipated) : for goodness, sake take them off.
I take them off. Somewhere in the crowd there must be a fashion blogger with a a horrified look on her face declaring (faux French tone) “She is not von of us!” with a flick of hair and swish of couture.
Amelia laughingly suggests I take pictures of my battered feet. I do. I finally look like the drunk girl at the party. Perhaps the fact it is poolside, means it doesn’t matter.
I meet Bonjour Quilts. This honesty thing is very liberating. Either that of my little piggies are just happy to be free from Torture.
I tell her about my looking at people from across the room… our eyes meet and.. “Wow, you must have got the bonus pack there Lady, my eyes are not meeting anyone across the room!”. Genuine laughter. We talk for ages.
We get talking and somehow exchange alter-egos. Super Girl, meets Wonder Woman. Bond established. So nice to know there are others Incognito like me.
Eating our body weight in Oysters, I tell her about my room situation. At that point, I remember I text Babycakes about it. My phone had 5 missed call before it died. I hope he’s not up there lying in bed with a bow wrapped round his you-know-what.
End of the party. head up to the lobby to book my cab. Bonjour Quilts walks with me and we hang out till my cab arrives. I hug her, It feels right.
I arrive back at my Hotel. Javier is still the bellhop and says to me gently “Bonsoir madam” to which I reply in rapid fire French “Tu parle francais?”. Non. No he doesn’t. Someone must have told him I had the Romantic package for one.
End Day 1